The swollen sun amplified the turquoise, yellow and orange storefronts of Oaxaca in December. I was thirty-two, and along with my maternal relatives, had rented a villa with a central courtyard, where we gathered daily. I was still under the impression that I had the perfect family. My grandfather sat on a tall wooden chair […]
I became fixated on the final minutes of his life. Was he resolute, calm, maybe even liberated, as he hovered between life and death? I imagined him swimming to the surface after eons of holding his breath. Astonished by the details of the moment. The vanilla smell of pine bark, the peeling paint on the […]
In my hands I am holding a small green leather bound book that was published in 1929. The title is engraved in gold letters on the front cover. The corners are slightly dented and the front edge is ragged as if each page was carefully torn. I open it up and feel myself tumbling through […]
A week had passed since her father died and I wasn’t sure I had seen Chloe cry. While her brother and I spilled our emotions all over the house, Chloe quietly rolled her eyes at us. At bedtime I started giving them extra-long snuggles. “How’s it going, honey?” I asked, cautiously. “Good,” she chirped in […]
December sunlight sliced through the French doors and fell in a swath on my kitchen island. Home from taking the kids to school, I dropped my keys next to the sink and inhaled the silence of the empty house. Another day of rushing Rowan through his morning routine had me on edge. I regretted yelling […]
My phone buzzed against the tiles. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth, but I answered it, knowing Carol and I were close enough to share a bathroom. “Hang on, I have a toothbrush in my mouth,” I spat into the sink. “Listen, I’m having brunch with Randy and he’s freaking out,” she […]
Randy’s mood mimicked the daylight. A steep nosedive in November followed by five months of depression. He barely left the bed. The heavy shape of his body imprinted on the mattress. I imagined a chalk outline. His electrical business had withered to nothing. I mustered up as much sympathy as I could bear, which wasn’t […]
The days turned colder as we approached Thanksgiving. My mother had arranged a family trip to a dude ranch. I worried about how Randy might act in front of my parents and brother. “I’m not going to Arizona,” he had announced a few days before we were to leave. “The last thing I need right […]
My husband looked roughly the same, aside from the unkempt hair and the three-day stubble, but something inside his brain was unraveling. At first, I didn’t realize it, so I only half listened when he said he wanted to rent a backhoe and landscape our yard. During our decade of marriage, he had imagined and […]
The second hand tracked its wide orbit around the perimeter of a large clock on my bathroom wall. It felt like a watched pot. I shifted my eyes toward a pregnancy test sitting next to the sink. Within its small window, a test strip was conversing with my urine, while I eavesdropped. Finally, it delivered […]
Call it a biological directive or a spiritual urge, but for as long as I could remember I had wanted a baby. This yearning lived somewhere beyond rational thought, beyond societal pressure or family obligations. It was drawn into the blueprint of my identity. When I met Randy, Jeri advised me to ask him if […]